how easy it is...

... to sit back and do nothing.

convenience, connection and communication

if you happen to see that i've not quite formatted this entry to resemble my previous posts, it is because i am posting this from the eBlogger gadget on my iGoogle homepage.

realizing that i hadn't checked iGoogle in a while, i realized i had to update the gadgets on my page.. within seconds (literally!) i had facebook and twitter gadgets added and moved around to be located on a prominent section of my page.

what does this tell me?

1. i love the ease and convenience of havin all my networking tools swing into action right before my eyes the minute i get online
2. i like networking, or at least somehow keeping in touch with everyone i know (however impossible a feat it may seem every once in a while)
3. i like being able to blog whenever i want to, update my Twitter and Facebook statuses to let people know exactly what i'm thinking when i'm thinkin it - if they are interested enough to tune into my channels of communication
4. wow - did i suddenly get 'spare time' on my hands to explore and wander around on iGoogle - amidst my crazily busy life?!

issue # 1

i have issues.

i've realized that i have more issues than i thought i did. so somewhere over the life of this blog, i'm going to address those that i stumble upon.. more specifically, what i'm working on..

currently, i'm dealing with issue#1 unhealthy dependency. i realized that i'm unhealthily dependent on my family - particularly, my parents. not that i have no life outside of home, but i LOVE being around them; spending time with them helps me learn more about myself and why i do/feel what i do/feel. it makes me happy and makes them even more happy - a win-win situation.

so why is it a issue then? there are two aspects to this (a) the unhealthy aspect and (b) the dependency aspect.. i feel i can't move on if i didn't have either of them in my life, the thought paralyzes me, i want to love on them so much that anything short of an entire lifetime of doing it seems like wasted time. my Mom says that i will move on when the time is right, she says that God prepares us for such things.. i'm thinkin 'really??' the thought of separation from them scares the heck out of me - it would rank #1 on my list of fears.. these kind of thoughts keep me awake at night sometimes, or bring tears to my eyes on a perfectly, otherwise-blissful weekend afternoon..

if all i've done all month is work, and music, then i still seem to turn down offers to hang out with friends (yes, me!) just so i can get an evening of doin nothing but talking and laughing with them..

is it wrong that i'm so severely attached to them?! i'm led to ask God to allow Him to come in between my parents and i, so i can feel the same intensity of love for Him (yes i do, in theory: but i don't know if i do as much practically) and He can have them depend on Him more than they depend on me (they actually do depend on Him a LOT more than they depend on me)

sigh. i love them with ALL my life.

... and why do i have to go through this??

amongst the varied experiences in my life, i've had to walk through an odd, 'new' and particularly painful route this past month. like i typically ask of anything and everything that occurs in my life, i kept asking "why?", "what..?", "when..?", "where..?" and even the most dreaded "what if..?"

as i kept mullin over the events and replaying every scene in my head, trying to figure out what i could have done / do differently to avoid this particularly challenging path, i remember thinking "why me? why do i have to go through this? i have wronged nobody!!"

... and then the answer came to me.. today.

a random camp counselor who i'd just come into contact with in the last week stopped by my office "to say hi".. this is when my day-long plan - to 'sneak my way out' through the front doors of the building on time - hit a dead end.

as we spoke for a few minutes, i realized she was talkin about painfully similar circumstances, she was travelling through the same, maybe worse, road that i had treaded.. i was able to talk to her, have empathy (not just sympathy) and pray with her, carrying a portion of her burden - not just pretending to understand (not just saying, "yeah, i know how you feel", but really partaking of her feelings of pain and hopelessness)

there is a reason.

..for everything.

and now i know why.

of rest and stillness...

so it is Friday.. i've been looking forward to this day all week now. No, not that i did not enjoy what i did all week, but it's just that i've been having particularly long (12-hour) days and an extremely tight schedule all week.

i happen to work for a non-profit organization that also runs a summer day camp. so during summers, i kick into fifth gear and run around from dawn till dusk in a bid to shrink my somehow-self-replenishing to-do lists (pertaining to both - my regular job + my camp job)..

while i love what i do, i also long for the quiet. i turned down multiple requests to step out during the weekend, just because all i wanted to do was stay in at home and just listen to music or write some more music. i've told myself that all summer, i am going to be intentional about resting. i could read, write, create music, listen to some, or even just sit and talk with family (one of my favorite things to do - quality time person that i am)

there's something about just sitting still that calms my nerves, recharges my batteries, inspires creativity and enhances productivity soonafter.

i believe God knew that because He Himself rested on the seventh day after getting done with the monumental feat of creating the entire universe - i don't believe that He needed to rest, really. He is God - the Creator of the universe - the Source of energy - He has surplus of it..

He rested in order to show us that we were designed to rest and recharge after laboring hard.

so..

.. i'm at rest.

my first blog entry

so.. i guess i finally took the big plunge.. i've decided to let the curtain fall..

GINA has started BLOGGING!!

for a person who thinks as much as i do (yes, i've been told a zillion times that i 'think too much'), i thought it would be worthwhile to share with you but a few snippets of what goes on in my head, for what they are worth..

not to mention, i do have a few blogger friends out here who've tried to talk me into bloggerdom.. (yes Bungi, you topped the list!)

i just had to wait till i felt like it.. i guess that's gina-typical..

so people, i have arrived.